‘We are persuaded to spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need to make impressions that won’t last on people we don’t care about.’ (Tim Jackson)
Cynical maybe, humorous certainly, but I feel there is some truth in this. At times, it does feel that we have lost any sense of proportion about what it is to be human, about what leads to a good and productive life. Surely I’m not the only one who at times feels in a state of befuddled bewilderment?
Or maybe I am, and it’s just me getting old.
But let’s say I’m right. And if I am, how can we deal with the struggles, the problems and the tensions in the world, in our communities, in our online lives as well as our public ones? How do we deal with the pursuit of consumerism and growth, of rampant individualism, FOMO and envy? Are these the reasons why people are just not very happy?
The poor politicians get it right in the nose, but they are just the convenient target for people’s angers and frustrations. They aren’t the reason.
Drawing on two examples, I am now going to promote my Bald Lifestyle Coach prospectus as to how we cope with it all.
The first repository of wisdom is that of a celebrated Japanese doctor, Shigeaki Hinohara who lived until he was 106. The second is a movement started by American Phil Buettner, called Blue Zones. I won’t go into the details of either, but will leave some links as footnotes if you would like to read more. They have both inspired me.
So, drawing on their words and deeds, here are the Bald Lifestyle Coach 10 tips to a healthy, happy and fulfilling life, that will take away the stress and anxiety, and will help you and others live to a ripe old age.
- Walk as much as you can, and always take the stairs (unless going to the 155th floor of the Burj Khalifa, or equivalent).
Great for the mind, for the bones and muscles, for joints and tendons. It adds time to your day, but it’s worth it. Cycling is OK, but you end up more sweaty and harassed. Plus it’s increasingly dangerous. And gyms are just awful places, pools of narcissism – avoid at all costs. At least walk to the shops for the loaf of bread. And if you are walking, avoid staring at your phone as you walk. Look up – you’ll be surprised what you see.
- Avoid comparisons and go easy on yourself.
Modern life pushes us into filling time, particularly in showing how we should be doing what others are doing (like follow the advice of life coaches). But comparing with others is a major cause of stress and a guaranteed trashing of self-esteem. Pray instead, or meditate, or have a siesta. Much better for you. You don’t have to fill your time up by doing. Sometimes, not doing is better than fine.
- Work is good so don’t retire.
Ooh, I struggle with this one as someone who is approaching that time in my life. But I know deep down that it’s correct. Work provides dignity, focus, keeps the mind busy, provides a purpose. As you get older, your experience is valuable to others, so pass it on – this is so fulfilling! Of course, we don’t have to carry on doing 60 hours a week, like Dr Hinohara did. We can reduce hours, be more flexible with our work. But don’t retire completely. Boomers, get back to work – you’ll be happier!
- Family is everything.
Well, I am going to be a little uncompromising here. You have to stick by your family, even when the going gets tough. Keep elderly relatives with you for as long as possible. Bail out your errant teenagers (for the sixth time). Stick with your partner even when that partner changes and declines. Why? Because in amongst all the hard graft and emotional challenges, there will be moments of pure love that are achingly beautiful and intensely happy, and you will never ever be lonely.
- Eat to live, and a pint at 6pm.
This is my biggest challenge, and it may be that I never get there. But at least I’m mindful. My family’s Iberian obsession with mealtimes has led to food being a massive part of our days, but it needn’t be. Eat to live (preferably pulses, vegetables and salad). And drink? Ideally, a good glass of wine a day with your family or friends. In an English context, I think popping into your local pub for a pint is extremely healthy, a relaxing hour maybe, being part of your community.
- Have fun!
Yes, laugh and have fun. Has anybody seen Donald Trump smile, let alone laugh out loud? He is indicative of the angry, pissed-off, consumerist – and in his case, rich – fella. They have forgotten how to have fun. Admittedly, it is more difficult in our age of being easily offended, but places of laughter lead to greater well-being and productivity (I have no evidence for this by the way, purely anecdotal). The other night, various family members were reduced to tears as the 93-year-old matriarch danced in her bikini to Dua Lipa. So memorable. Life is too short, so remember to have fun.
- Have proportion
A natural companion to the preceding entry. It is entirely possible to be desperately sad about the destruction to the environment, alarmed by the growing misogyny amongst young men or angry about the misinformation spread via social media BUT ALSO to remember that your main loyalty is to your family, friends and perhaps work colleagues too. You can make a difference to the world from that position, even if you are understandably annoyed about huge, existential issues. Have a sense of proportion.
- Make plans.
Proper lifestyle coaches would call this ‘objective setting’ or something like that. Bald Lifestyle Coach prefers ‘making plans’. I am already thinking ahead to 2030 when I hope to spend time in Spain visiting all the cities hosting the World Cup and maybe getting a ticket for one or two games, my sons alongside me. In the short-term, I’m planning a memorial London-Brighton walk for my Dad during Holy Week next year. Making plans gives us purpose and hope.
- Commit to your community
It could be something as simple and easy as attending a summer fete, or more time-consuming like becoming a parish councillor, but giving your time to your community will make everyone feel better. My Dad, who died earlier this year, organised a safari supper each year for dozens of couples in the village (they had to be multiples of three, part of a complex feat of planning). My Mum helped to run the prayer group. Be a school governor, or help on the PTA committee. You will feel good.
- Look for beauty
We all experience pain, worry, upset and anxiety. That is part of what makes us human. But one way to alleviate the pain is by looking for beauty in the world. Whether it’s the flight of a swallow, or the tumbles of Simone Biles, or a Chopin nocturne or a landscape painted by Cezanne, the world is inspirational. It helps us heal.
So I’m going to inflict this blog on my sons as they deal with young adulthood, their lives laid out before them, but I feel it helps us all at whatever stage of life we are at.
And with that, my career as a lifestyle coach comes to an end.
Shigeaki Hinohara https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-40647996
Dan Buettner https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK298903/
Bald Headteacher 